Almost over the edge

Is how I feel today. I am exhausted, low, wishing my brain to slow right down and on edge. Even though I know why I am likely to be feeling this way, it has engulfed me. I haven't had my proper doses of medication for over a week now. How does this happen? No memory! I honestly forget that I need to go and get more medication, it is only at night when I take my meds that I realise, shit I need more meds.

Yesterday afternoon made me feel like the worst mother in the world. I came home from uni and felt wiped out. I only had an hour before I was due to pick my daughter up from school. I set my alarm for 2.50pm and fell asleep almost instantly. I am then woken not by my alarm but, by the phone ringing. It was after school care, they had my daughter. I looked at the clock and it was 4.30pm, clearly I had slept through my alarm and once I got off the phone, I saw several missed calls.

I felt like the most irresponsible mother ever. When I arrived at after school care, 10mins later, I apologised profusely but fortunately, the girls know about my illness and didn't look down upon me for what happened. God bless them, they are so wonderful to us and it certainly doesn't go unnoticed.

So, I didn't get to the gym this morning, felt too ratty. I will try my hardest to get there this afternoon but, that will largely depend on how much rest I get between now and then. I am not going to uni today, I wouldn't concentrate on anything other than how exhausted I feel. I won't be missing anything anyway as I am already onto my 2 assignments that are due soon.

My eyelids are so heavy, I am fighting to keep my eyes open. As sad as it is, I can't wait until the school drop-off is done and I can come home and collapse into bed. Fingers crossed I feel better after some sleep.